IT IS WELL WITH MY SOUL.
I've been waiting for a really long time to be able to say this with true honesty. And finally, oh FINALLY the Lord brought me to a place where I could witness His mercy and grace in such a way that my broken heart would start to be healed. Let me just get one thing straight: I still miss my Dad so much that sometimes I find it hard to breathe. The sadness is so overwhelming that it can literally bring me to my knees if I allow it. However, God reminded me of so many truths while I was at
Hope Spoken that there was no way He was going to allow His broken child to leave that place the same as when she arrived.
You see, we serve a God who is in the business of showing up. He is HERE - living and moving among us. What I was reminded of so clearly was that the more broken, the more wrecked your little heart is, the closer He is. I promise you friends, He will draw near.
"Because He bends down to listen, I will pray as long as I have breath" -Psalm 116:2
Don't you just love that image? A heavenly Father who not only hears us, but BENDS DOWN to listen. He draws close with love and tenderness.
For me (& many others), Hope Spoken was a "thin place" as
Shauna Niequist describes in her book,
Bittersweet.
"Thin places: places where the boundary between the divine world and the human world becomes almost nonexistent, and the two, divine and human, can for a moment, dance together uninterrupted. Some are physical places, and some aren't places at all, but states of being or circumstances or season"
Have you ever experienced a "thin place"? It is nothing short of amazing. The presence of a birth or a death, to be certain, is a thin place. Some worship services have felt like thin places for me. But seriously ya'll, this was three straight days of grace, redemption and THIN.
(But not literally, because holy moly the food was amazing! But I digress....)
I'm STILL trying to process it all and have so much to share but I have to get started somewhere. There will probably be more thoughts posted later as the goodness of the weekend continues to sink in.
We arrived to a beautifully decorated space full of tissue poms, glittery tables, chalk signs and cake pops. So, you know, basically my LOVE LANGUAGE.
But that was only the surface. Beneath all the "pretty" was authentic, grace-filled beauty. Speakers throughout the weekend poured their hearts out and bravely shared their stories of redemption and hope. I don't mean "yay God, my life is so perfect because I'm a Christian!" stuff. I'm talking
"I once was lost and now I'm found", "I needed redemption not relief", "it's time to start living out what we've always said as Christians" stuff. Painful, broken stories of death, divorce, adultery, abuse....all shared with such humble but confident grace. I almost stood up and cheered when
Jess McClenahan said "the more I tell my story, the more it becomes less about me and more about Jesus".
I wish I had an audio tape of all of the speakers because the wisdom they shared was life-changing. I went back and forth throughout the weekend from frantically trying to jot down notes to just sitting back and soaking it all in in awe. A few nuggets of truth I did manage to write down:
"more love, less hustle"
"the word 'should' is a warning sign. 'Should' means you are living under someone else's parameters."
"busy is a drug and a defense. It makes you numb and safe. You wear exhaustion as a badge of honor. Lay down busy. Let it go. Just be present"
"I don't want my administrative skills to be the best thing I leave my children. We are substituting efficiency for love"
"In the Mary/Martha parable, Jesus does not say 'Blessed are those who are busting it'. He actually says 'Martha, you are missing it'"
"unclench your fists and open your hands to receive God's blessing"
I seriously could have walked away after her first talk and the weekend would have been AMAZING. Her words were so convicting. But it didn't stop there....
Leslie Padgett:
"God takes us to the Grand Canyon of our fears and has us look down. He shows us that we cannot be shaken by ANYTHING of this world"
"Our most painful experiences give us our strongest faith answers"
Jess McClenahan:
"Your relationship with Christ is very personal, but it should not be kept private. Share His Glory"
Each story was different but they all pointed to God's faithfulness and redeeming love. It.Was.Awesome.
Oh, but that was just the spoken words. Did I mention there was music, too? We were so blessed by the music of
Tim Halperin (not to be confused with Jim Halpert),
Jenny Simmons &
Jordan Critz. A lot of the lessons I learned that weekend were taught through music as well.
On my way up to Dallas, I had a random Pandora station on that has both secular & Christian music (sidenote: I think it's dumb to differentiate the two. Worship can be found anywhere....but that's another post entirely). Anyway, I noticed that three songs in a row were "Christian" songs.
First was Addison Road's song "Hope Now". I recognized it immediately because it was the one song that I clung to when I was pregnant with Harper. All the hope and fear of being a new mother would sometimes overwhelm me and I found such comfort in these words:
"If everything comes down to love, then just what am I afraid of.....when I call out Your name something inside awakes in my soul. How quickly I forget I'm Yours. I'm not my own, I've been carried by You all my life...."
Next to come on the station was JJ Heller's song "Small":
"I don't want to make you small
I don't want to fit you in my pocket
A cross around my throat
You are brighter than the sun
You're closer than the tiny thoughts I have of you
But I could never fathom You at all"
And finally, another Addison Road song (random! *or so I thought) "What do I know of Holy":
"I made You promises a thousand times
I tried to hear from Heaven
But I talked the whole time
I think I made You too small
I never feared You at all No
If You touched my face would I know You?
Looked into my eyes could I behold You?
So what do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore upon Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are you sacred? Are you beautiful?
So what do I know? What do I know of Holy?"
And by the end of that song I knew that God had something phenomenal in store for me that weekend. I knew He was asking me to trust Him. Not the "small" version I was trying to understand but the true powerful God who surpasses all understanding. All I had to do was trust and let Him speak truth and hope into my life.
You can imagine my surprise and joy when the music started on Saturday night and I heard a beautiful voice start to sing. Not just any voice, but Jenny Simmons....the lead singer of Addison Road. Touche God, TOUCHE.
The worship was absolutely beautiful all weekend. More than once, I caught myself wiping hot tears from my cheeks. I love how convicting certain songs can be in your life - it's like they speak straight to your soul.
"You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand
So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith would be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior"
{Oceans, Hillsong United}
"The sun comes up, it's a new day dawning
It's time to sing Your song again
Whatever may pass and whatever lies before me
Let me be singing when the evening comes
Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I will worship Your holy name"
{10,000 Reasons, Matt Redman}
So if words and music weren't enough, perhaps the most wonderful thing about Hope Spoken for me was the PEOPLE. Connections were made, grace was given, love was shared.
this is my super awesome roomie, Barb, who is just absolutely the coolest, sweetest, funniest person EVER!
Sweet
Casey, who was one of the brave women (along with
Danielle &
Emily) to say YES to God's calling and create this amazing weekend. She has spoken Hope into my life for many years through her blog & it was so wonderful to be able to tell her face to face what an inspiration she is to me.
And last but not least, my beautiful small group, who encouraged me, loved me, and showed me endless amounts of grace....because let's just be real for a moment, God made me a lot of things but a pretty crier was NOT one of them ;)
So there you have it....my thoughts on Hope Spoken. What a gift the weekend was. I returned home feeling refreshed, inspired and lighter than I've felt in a very long time. I will forever be grateful for this thin place in my life where I was given the hope I needed so badly in order to say
"it is well with my soul".
Love,
Kerith